Sunday, August 30, 2009
i want to play pool!
hahas. too busy too blog. byebye
harder than i thought
@2:01 PM
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Friday, August 14, 2009
I have lots of things to say, lots of things to tell, lots and lots of many other things to say. But it just seemed like nothing can be phrased out. The feelings just can’t seem to be expressed. No words can describe my feelings. Confuse. Dumb. Retarded. Useless. Every time, everything I do just seem to be wrong.
I just don’t understand why is it every time something that I want something I can’t have it. Yes, though I may not deserve it, but can’t I at least have some happiness. All I can say is that life is so unfair. But I did not expect that unfairness will be till this extent.
Its ok if you hate me or dislike me, you do not need to treat me like this. That’s the nicest thing I heard. Its logical. If you, do not like that person, not necessarily must you hurt that person. actually, its usually those that you are closest to you that hurt you the most... that you thought would always be there for you whenever you need them, or fulfill a promise that they made, but they fail to.
i thought you are different, at least from the rest.but seems like it is too early to judge.
@3:35 PM
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Sunday, August 9, 2009
yesterday was james wedding:) it was my first time to a church wedding! since it was the first so i of course spent sometime dressing up! hahas. though i still look weird.... because this is my 1st time wearing so formal!
the wedding was amazing. we sang lots of nice songs and i kept admiring the drummer! he was super duper uber coooool! i wish i can be like him someday with the help of benedict:) so master shifu ben you definitely must help me! i must work damn hard! huai ting! the wedding also had a small performance and james had to play the guitar and sing! i wish i was as talented as him. but i do not want to be as tone-deaf as he is! when the bride walk the aisle it was WOW! and WOAH! so pretty after her make-up. then the pastor started talking about chopsticks and linked it to the bible and the couple. the marriage seemed so grand with all the pictures and arrangement. they must have loved each other and put in so much effort! they were together for 7 years. gosh. and now married they need to be together for life!
seems so nice to be able to be with someone you love!
its hard to find someone to be with for life.
so when will true love ever come knocking on the door?
@9:35 PM
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Friday, August 7, 2009
i think its coming to an end soon- my life. ever since young i fell in love with every sport i had tried. sport is 1 of the reason why i am able to survive till now. its by my side for so long. i don't want to lose it... :( at least before i get paralysed or handicap there a few things i wish i could do:
- i want to play basketball and win you
- i want to give you a punch
- i want to swim like never before ( i regretted not developing a passion for it)
- i want to kneel down on my knees and ask those million questions that are trapped within me
- i want to have a normal date with the person i like
- and i want to be able to perform on stage 1 day
- i want to go out and shop for every single thing i love
hopefully( this a dream that never will come true) you can accompany the remaining painful journey that i had to complete walking.
retarded right? i also cannot believe that i am typing this. maybe my next blog post maybe on my will. though i hope not.
i just do not understand. what of me did i do wrong?! why of all people it is me? always me? why must i keep losing the things that i really love, that i am willing to sacrifice everything for, that i tried my very best to do well and all the things that i tresaured most?!
its so hurtful. i hope that maybe god or just anyone will tell me what wrong had i done. so maybe i can stop and correct myself. all the dreams, wishes and things are just what many others around me too want! but why cant i get it? why? but why do they get it no matter how bitchy, bastard, evil, violent and asshole they are! i really tried my best to be nice, care for others, try not to make everyone angry though i am blur. i am tired. very. just which part of me not good and deserving enough to lead a better life?
like what i always say, my birth was a mistake from the very beginning. i always try to stay cheerful in class, make those people around me laugh and be happy. i guess its going to be over soon. there is not even any energy left within me.
my time has come. to crumble at even a slight push. this is the lowest point of my life.
there are still many things i had not done. i still have not leave my life to the fullest...
save the last dance for me will you?
it hurts to wait for the seconds, minutes and hours to tick by. because the near future is always pitch-black darky. we can never see it.
@6:43 PM
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Thursday, August 6, 2009
terrible. my life is almost coming to an end i guess. here pain there pain. so irritating. my as well die and perish! wth. anyway, i am hungry now. don't know why. hungry for many many things....
@1:37 PM
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this is OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO super cute!
@1:33 PM
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Saturday, August 1, 2009
terrible...horrible...vegetable:( time is flying past at a speed faster than light! GOSH! and next and next next week is packed with prep exams. sadly, i have not start studying... not even when my goal is to to prove to those who look down on me. so dead. anyway last friday screw up the freaking tough CHAM SPA! A DEFINITE ZERO! so demoralising. not just that, that day was saddening, with constant dirtying of my eye as my cornea were frequently clouded with dust.
on the journey home after NYAA SILVER, i wondered many things.
i was just sad. no idea why. everytime i think of past, the history of my life, i really hope that i can turn back time and rewind everything. i lack confidence, but i really want to achieve it. though the comments given to me on that day maybe sarcasm, but i don't want to care (at least i try not to) losing a battle once not necessarily means that i will lose every battle i meet in my life. i agree that upon seeing you guys i will feel dejected without fail. but i seriously don't see why can't you just be appreciative of what i had done. moreover i am so not able to accept that i have lost, therefore i am determined to prove to you! no, not for you only, for those who look down on me! yes, i can't deny that life is unfair. things don't always go the way i want. but don't you have any guilty conscience? its ok though. i know i have to suit to it, the faster the adaptation the better. but maybe things will change, the future lies in our hands. i do not believe i can't be who i want to be and who i believe to be... i will not give up no matter what.
lastly, i hate liars, egoistic people. i don't know why you had done all the kind of things. and i don't really give a damn. in the 1st place you are the one who keeps thinking that you know everything. so ya. dont blame me.
wait and see. no i don;t do it for anyone. this time its just solely for me and those who have been helping me through all the hardship.
@9:21 PM
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