Enigmatico

Monday, June 29, 2009

reopening of school was normal, just that every teachers are warning the teenyweeny little amount of time left for our o levels. but sadly i had yet to prepare for it. all i am awaiting for is more and more naggings from both teachers and parents... but in me, there is no drive. nope, there is this drive, though those words were simple but its waywaywayway lot important to me:) it set off the determination in me, but how i wish you could say something better which i would like to hear?

lessons were normal, weather was tempting me to fall zzzzz and to deepen the impact, hetty eyes were half-closed throughout physics, which i had to force myself not to look for fear that i go thump, on the table asleep. blablablublu wong and ang cracked some jokes, but the 1 that hetty and me LOAO was regarding deodarant:) whether it will overpower... 'heehees'. evil, but that kept us surviving.

i feel fat! having lots of craving lately: FOOD AND MORE FOOD! ESPECIALLY HAZELNUT CREAM! AHHHH! gosh i pray that i do not balloon up after os :( hahas and maybe its time i go on a diet routine like mummy...which i find it take forever for me to succeed

not even a chance for me?

@6:30 PM
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Sunday, June 28, 2009

AHHHHHHHHHHH! tomorrow is the day- schools going to open!!! :(:(:(:(:(
i dread it! there are many reasons for that!

i can't go whitesands anymore or that often!:( hahas
no more time for shopping or relaxation
it means that i have to do certain things that i do not want
i do not want anymore homework
means less blogging
less movies and tvs
CATCH UP WITH MANY OF MY FRIENDS AND DEFINITELY DRUMSDRUMS!

yesterday talked to monster for the whole night. so nice, we talked about earning big bucks and how its possible to get whatever we want:) how i wish its all possible though not for me, but for monster, its all possible! so lucky of monster. monster, if only you can help me to stand up all over again with your experience. i tried, but i kept falling. you sure add my confidence, but i am not there yet. sadly.... but thanks anyway! remember i must be your manager! and i am afraid those many fishes you mention have to wait till after o levels before i can have the confidence and time to catch! hope they dont swim away...

will it ever happen?
me being able to make you smile

@9:04 PM
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Thursday, June 25, 2009

i feel down. no idea why. ok maybe i know but i just can't bear to let it go.
there is so many why and questions? i want to ask!
- why am i borned this way?
- why must it be the last time?
- why can't at least somethings go my way?
- why of all people its you?
- why can't that day last forever?
- why am i not good enough? is it just cause i am...
- why won't you change your mindset?
- why can't you see?
- why are you able to do it? when it seems like i am trying to stop it with all my might.
all the whys but no answers to them:( .......in a way, my birth was a mistake from the beginning.

people out there: somethings may not be important to you. a book, a gift and even the most random action of just saying lots of sorry, all these may mean nothing to you. however, it may means super lot to the other person. it determines that person's feelings, care and concern for you! for example: an outing with a friend could mean nothing to you, just go for fun. but that particular outing may means a lot to the other person. it could be a wonderful amazing magnificient big day for your that friend for certain reasons. thats why your that friend made sure that you are happy and have things your way. though your friend knows that it will be her/his last day, the only thing she/he wanted was just to be able to collect wonderful memories of times spent together even though it only lasted for a few hours.
simply seen- you are important to that particular person.

i think its time that person give up too... :(

am i ever able to achieve what i want?

@5:50 PM
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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

wat is this?
i don't know too.
maybe i need an answer from someone, anyone?
maybe i should just isolate myself?
maybe i should just run far far away and get the hell out of here?
or maybe should i just blast it all out?
maybe have a heated arguememt, fight or whatsoever so that things will clear up?
why? why? why? why? why? why? why?
how? how? how? how? how? how? how? how?

IRRITATING THE HELL OUT OF ME! SO NOW ITS MY FAULT?!!!! I AM CONFUSE...

and those reading my blog often, or choose to read it for i don't know what reason please don't anyhow jump into conclusion after reading. i really HATE it, because since you don't know me well enough don't pretend like you know me when you do not!

what the hell!

@5:48 PM
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Monday, June 22, 2009

ohmygod! everythings just so weird! why must things turn out like that?! anyway, 2 more days to go. i just cant wait! hahas:)

to zena: don't miss your popo or grandpa try missing me for a change? hahas. joking. anyway, life is like this. we can't keep something or somebody we love or like forever beside us. everybody will move on no matter what. sooner or later will happen. so don't think so much and just be happy with them all you can now!

life's hard to get by.

@5:28 PM
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Sunday, June 21, 2009

I DON'T SEE A NEED FOR ANY TEST!

BAD MEMORIES PISSED ME OFF!

@12:16 AM
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Friday, June 19, 2009

woooooooooooooooooooooots:) physics was awesome in a way for we just go through worksheets which does not need much thinking. mrs koh also mentioned that guys should not be late for dates or meetings, which is a fact! but not every guys are that punctual ('shake head') hahas. hetty and me were busy finding a way to solve a MEGA DEPRESSING PROBLEM which results in hetty being depressing when i instead became retarded. and start playing with my fingers. though we managed to think of a solution, but before we could put it to use, the opportunity slipped away. anyway, who cares. hang around at downtown with hetty and then head off to cut hair with thomas. the haridresser keeps insisting that theres nothing much to cut and somehow its true too. and i managed to get my haircut too! woooopey:) we proceed on to eastpoint for a heavy feast and i saw this SUPER OHMYGOD NICE ADIDAS SHIRT! but......... price was INCREDIBLY NICE too:( sobssobs. nvm!

@6:46 PM
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Thursday, June 18, 2009

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! i just don't understand adults! my parents have been quarrelling lately again. so irritating. last night have more commotion then before- throwing of stuff, slamming, locking and kicking of doors which results in falling and injuries... WHAT THE BLOODY HELL! mum being nice, help my dad handle his shop's account but dad being lazy ASSSSSS! failed to give her the necessay documents then resulting in naggings and this whole eruptions! i wanted to give him a punch but held back. he is a guy, then why can't he just apologise since he was the 1 at fault? reason is simple: he is an EGOISITC man. wait a minute, all guys are practically egoistic except... yi sheng, and not just my dad. maybe its just me.

morning dad dragged me out of bed to call my mum, not for apologies but instead he demanded for his documents. firstly- he being not very smart and hot-tempered should not have agitate mum, for my mum know so much more than him around the house. secondly- my mum knows good hiding places to hide stuff, which i still always managed to find them:) thirdly- its his document, he should be intelligent enough to have his own copy. weird.

dad get so annoyed and started saying his not coming home and filing for divorce. the reason he was willing to stayed so long with my mum was because the birth of me... why of all people me?! #$%@ anyway, all i can say is his dumb if he wants to leave the house, its his lost.

i am now the messenger between them..... have to pass message and ask questions for them. anwers all my sisters quetions about them. this is the duty of being the eldest in this bloody family. i am just tired. the guy should always be the 1 who gives in! my dad is lucky, even though he hurt my mum so much she still love him. but even when some1 never fails and give in to his partner everytime, he still lost her and got damaged. life is just unfair.

THANKS HIPPO for being there for me last night when i need someone to talk to till almost 1.30:) really enjoyed talking to you. you cheered me up! hope you will be able to see this:) i will be your elephant, monkey and never-ending tissues whenever you feel down! hahas.

just want to make your day:)

@10:37 AM
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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

ooooooo... today can be considered a happy day:) hahas. ok i must hold my happiness if not later someone will scratch, pull and start slapping me all over again! hahas. and i cannot smile even if its you who tempted me to by smiling and not the other person! anyway, that person smiled at me, so being nice i have to smile back too! correct? seriously, not very very happy or excited though. what is not meant to be means its not meant to be. so all i can have is nothing. so why so paranoid? :) hahas.

blablablublu wong release us early and the usual gang was off to the usual place for talking and todays special 'staring' or looking in the eyes session. then i was nagged for gossipping toooo much about some1, who cares anyway. all i want to do was to laugh! gtg mums back!

@7:03 PM
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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

today had maths all day. we joined tables so lessons were very very very much lively! hahas. blablablublu wong finished the syallbus and no lessons for thursday! YAY! we went whitsands for lunch and i decided not to eat the korean store at the kopitiam anymore! cheated my money. sobsobs... some bought cupwalker and i was so tempted into buying 1 too, but luckily my tolerance level was high. i am definitely getting fatter as days passed. how i wish i am as thin as a bamboo pole. don't you guys agree? won't it be way better! anyway, went back school after that and taught hetty the most easy way to gain muscles! hahas! almost laugh till i was about to roll on the floor! anyway, it did make sense:)

anyway, random but just thought of this:

10 qualities to hook a girl:

looks and muscles (it depends on which kind of girl you want to attract eg: zena) and attitude
brave, bold and gentlemen
smells nice and definitely no bad breath:)
common sense but do not act smart when you are not
sense of humour...but definitely not lame-ness!
able to make decisions but don't overdo
do not answer a girls questions with- 'anything' because its irritating
do not emo
do not rush a girl when she is shopping (especially alicia, i experience before!)
laugh at your own joke

note: does not apply to all girls but definitely the majority, example: which girl will enjoy a date with a guy who is as dumb and quiet as mr BEAN?! (in the movies you don't see or hear him talk do you?)

you got my attention at hello:)

@5:19 PM
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Sunday, June 14, 2009

woots:) secretly blog, if not my mum would murder me if she finds out. anyway, everyone was off to daddy's new shop. later will be my aunts, cousins, sister and my turn with thom thom (dad invited him!) his shop was comfy nice:) maybe i shall consider studying business and take over his! hahas.

sobs still got many untouched hw! die. CAN'T BE BOTHERED THOUGH!

lately has been deep in thoughts, ok more like its just last night. cant sleep. seriously do you guys out there think that people should do what they want and try, even if it means that there is a possibility that you will not succeed? need opinions... am confuse over something now. i know i can't succeed this time. but i thought of trying it, since its my 1st time making the approach. should i or not?

i need HELP!

everything you say makes a beautiful noise:)

@11:00 AM
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Friday, June 12, 2009

OUUUUUUUUUCH! got a terrible sun tan today after 4 hrs of kayaking! now my skin is burning terribly hot. anyway, i had lots of fun today:) met the guys at 7.15 and as usual thomas the train was late. but luckily he was late for 6 mins instead of 2hrs! phew. thanks to him we need to wait and while waiting, amazingly i saw ... :):):) hahas. went over to say hi. gosh. hahas. head off to kallang after that. managed to kayak all the way to the s'pore flyer, while the rest were all doing their drills i was just lying on my kayak and sleep. shiok! heehee. however, the sun was blazing hot. so purposely capsize to get wet to cool me off. now i sure am charcoal black! bathe and walked to Golden Mile to take lunch. then head off to bugis on foot under the horrible weather! almost died! but managed to scrap through. hahas

i want to cut hair! i miss hetty:) hahas- random
fate? does it exist? maybe...depends i guess. hahas:)

@4:42 PM
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Monday, June 8, 2009

woots:) played basketball like crazy today. love it. it just make you happy. the ball, the net, the board and those i played with.

all i want is you:)

@8:31 PM
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Saturday, June 6, 2009

yesterday was great:) last day of the structure programme which i don't see it restructuring me in anyway though. hahas. went to buddy buddy after that with the usual. before we left went to fairprice to get some CHEAP sweets and biscuits as requested by mrs koh, then the cashier auntie keep giggling and staring at me and that thomas and ask if we were going back to school. luckily she was an auntie-if not i would have replied where do you think we are going then?!?! WEIRDO!

left house again in the evening to go buy jeans. tooK the bus and this FREAKING BLOODY SHIT LADY WHO WAS WEARING HIGH HEELS WITH THE HEEL BEING DAMN SHARP, STOOD UP FROM HER SIT AND STEP ON THE BARE PART OF MY FEET!!!!! SOMEMORE SHES NOT THAT THIN! THE PRESSURE WAS OUCH, OUCH, OUCH LO! WORST OF ALL, SHE STILL CAN GRIN SHYLY AND IGNORE MY STARE WHICH WAS PENETRATING AT HER! LUCKILY, I BEING CIVILIZED AND SUPER NICE IGNORED AND LET HER CONTINUE STEPPING, IF NOT I WOULD JUST LIFT HER SHOE UP AND CAUSED HER TO FALL AND ROLL ALONG THE BUS AISLE LIKE SOME SUSHI, THEN SHE WILL BE WRAPPED WITH BLUE-BLACKS (SEAWEED AND DIRT)!

saw vic at T1 with her super white friend. luckily it was not the GHOST FESTIVAL...

thought of this for the past few days ( its just for GAGS)
5 ways to ditch your girlfriend:

Bring along a friend whom seriously need a bath, when on a date
You, yourself can learn how to stink like your that friend who needs a bath
Dig your nose while having a meal together.
Be sarcastic and evil with your words on the sensitive part of a girl (referring to the girl's heart)!
Bring and stick your chest up whenever walking around (she will think that you wish for bigger manly boobs)

if doing all these and your girlfriend still choose to be with you then either shes lose all her sense organs or she seriously have bad taste and still likes you... maybe it can be a TEST FOR ANY1 too.

i don't wanna run away anymore

@11:33 AM
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Thursday, June 4, 2009

hmmm... this week we having structured programme. need go school everyday and same old thing, sing majulah then lessons. however, today lessons were an exception, sad for hetty! not here to laugh with us. wong was all complaining about banging her head on the wall! and told her childhood memorable incidents too! wakakas! we just find it very amusing but at the same time i pity her for having to suffer so much! somehow, when i was young i also find it very fun to pluck fruits from neighbours potted plants and throw stuff into neighbours houses whom we dislike! all was in the past. went to play bb after school. the super hilarious thing was, due to many bad aim throws, our balls keep hitting the heads of people from this 'gang'. its not our fault though. you guys should not have sit there and act cool when you guys are disgusting to the max! so they ended up calling mr singh, which put an end to everything. luckily i was in home clothes:) went to east point to try jeans and saw janelle and her bf. we were standing in the middle of nowhere and discussing who should participate in the arcade basketball thing. lols.

random: NO YOU HANG UP IS MARVELLOUS! hahas

you can keep me up on the phone the whole night:)

@10:38 PM
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Monday, June 1, 2009

HOLY LOBSTER... screw up mother paper. i guess i have to sit for the paper again on november:( how pathetic. and the compre passages were about having confidence and positive thinking. though they encouraged us to have confidence, the paper is like holy difficult and they expect us to be have a positive mindset. its like, giving me perfume to not stink but i already and still stink like hell. (sorry, it just came to my mind. no offence) but nevermind shall concentrate on other things now- like what i should play during the holidays? lols so not coming true... :(

last few days had been thinking lots of stuff. about my past and my sooooo-not-bright future. whats past was past. managed to let it go deep down in the tiniest corner of my heart already. though sometimes it struggle to leak out of the puny hole, i will still step and stuff it all back in:) but after what my tutor had said, i am wondering should i take his advised route---DPA TO POLY, TAKE UP SPORTS SCI, DO WELL, GET SCHOLARSHIP, THEN HEAD TO AUSTRALIA FOR DEGREE AND THEN BECOME A PHYSIOTHERAPIST WHOM CAN EARN BIG $$$! then can provide for my parents and lead a happy life....

BUT THERES SO MANY THINGS TO SACRIFICE! MY CULLINARY COURSE:( MY DEAR FRIENDS WHO ARE HEADING INTO ALL SORTS OF DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS... WISH I KNOW THE ANSWER! any advice from those out there?

regretted not pursuing my passion for basketball and go to ngee ann or anglican which was my dad's wishes. thus now i am having second thoughts if i should just go tjc and vjc because he wants to see me in there. somehow a part of me felt guilty and bad abouth then. but another me wants the sports poly route too... why not let there be another choice- the route to heaven? hahas

lifes full of hard decision to make- you and everything

@3:59 PM
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